I think post break-up stalking is normal. I didn't say it was healthy, but it's pretty normal. Normal, that is, when one part of the ended partnership just wants some clues about how we arrived at splitting.
The funny thing is, I ended it, he's the one who was surprised... but I'm the one stalking.
Now, I'm stalking in a pretty covert way, and although I have discovered tons of ammo to use if he ever decides to say he was "wronged." But then he'll know I was "doing research," and then he'll just think I'm psycho. So disclosing the ammo is not really an option. But here's a clue to all of you internet junkies who have your info all over numerous sites and you use your real name or one singular handle across the board... you. are. very. easy. to. track. So, beware. From statcounters that identify where you live, the number of times you've been where, how long you were there and where you went, to tags and links that show you associate with other groups, to rss feeds of your posts or comments being directly sent to someone's feed aggregator, there's a lot of ways to see what you've been up to.
So yes, part of what pissed me off and made me end my long distance relationship was the fact that I could see him doing really stupid stuff on the internet, like commenting on his buddies' blogs or making a video of himself flipping the world off, instead of trying to contact me when I was not sleeping. Now, don't get me wrong, I was not glued to the computer, but DUH, comments have a time and date stamp. So do posts. So do videos. Additionally, it's not like I was asking for him to contact me more than before. I was just desparately hoping for the same level.
Anyway, I have another secret. Somehow, probably he never signed out when he was here to visit, I can enter his feed aggregator from my compu, which shows the titles (not the content) of his email account. I had to translate it (thanks, Babblefish!), but I found one today that said he had a new message from his online profile at ---.com dating site. Hello! Fucker. Not only that - the online profile pic is one that I took of him on our August vacation. Not only that - he's been active since October. Bastard.
Normal or not, healthy or not, psycho or not, I feel good about the things I've learned from the stalking. He was certainly not where he claimed to be emotionally throughout our relationship. No wonder he couldn't articulate his feelings, he probably thought they would hurt me. And, the fucker, he's still wearing the shirt I bought him when he came to visit me, which obviously means it's just a shirt and doesn't hold any sentimental value. Well, not obviously. One thing I've learned about long distance relationships, is that if there is not clear and constanct communication, both parties end up making assumptions about half the stuff going on.
So. Long distance is now absolutely out of the question!
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