Chaos

When I first started A Darker Side..., it was really meant to be my open forum bitch session. What I've found is that I head toward this blog more when the chips seem down than when I have a rant with a Muni experience or a loud-mouthed politician.

I could sit here right now and tell you and America at large that I knew YEARS AGO that China was on the verge of taking over the world, that there is a precise formula for world-power-ness for which China has held 2 out of the 3 factors required for at least a decade, that the American government has indeed, in this scenario, taken the slow boat to you know where ha ha ha.

But instead I am here because I feel impending doom. My new apartment situation seems doomed, my current relationship seems doomed, and my career seems doomed. That's a whole lot of doom. And I blame it on The Pill.

This new Pill I am on has made me a horny, emotional wreck. I don't know if these are better or worse side effects than the standard "gain weight, big boobs, mood swings." The point is, I get worked up about everything. I rarely used to cry and now I feel on the verge at least once a week. Such a girl.

I feel alone and down this week, too. It is easy for me to diagnose that I am in a "mini-depressive state" because my face literally feels heavy, so heavy I don't even want to carry it around with me. I think at the core I am worried about leaving the familiarity of my neighborhood, and the unknowns in the work department are not so comforting right now either.

Fuck. I need to get centered. I need to relax. I need to breathe. Sounds like it's time for some yoga.