I love this guy. He's a pal of my parents - same generation as them - (happily married and surfing/making commercials in So California) , we've always just clicked. Sometimes he's a little over the top for me, but other times, like in throwing me a few questions the other day, he gets me to actually think about the reasoning behind actions. He'll throw out just a few q's, yet it will take me 45 minutes to respond. At the end, it usually brings better self-understanding:
JC's e-mailed questions:
"I've heard of your fem-technique used before, female-to-male - after the relationship sours, with the gal saying it's over, then executing provocative taunts. Why? - to tease?, to win back?, to reel the fish back into the fem's love boat?"
Mona's self-enlightening response (thanks, JC):
"I wouldn't question the fem-technique. That's like entering a bottomless abyss. Believe me...women, who are so good at pondering/finding answers for things (things need to make sense), don't know why we do this. The only answer I can think of is that this comes to play when the man doesn't outwardly show regret in losing the girl. I am deep enough and empathetical enough to realize that regret is sometimes not outwardly shown, even if it is there. Regardless, there is something innate in we women that just needs to see, wants proof of the fact, that we are good, wanted, and more importantly: missed. I think this happens most when a man comes on like blockbusters and then drops the act "out of nowhere" (obviously it is coming from somewhere, but that's man's territory and we can't decipher the code; it takes too much energy and once deciphered, it usually doesn't make "sense" anyway). For a woman, going from 60 to 0, or pedastal to floor (behind the refrigerator) is a difficult thing to accept. Is the fem-tech to tease? A bit. Fish back? Sometimes (not in this case). Is it passive aggressive? Yes, I hate to admit. Mostly I think, it's to make the drop from queen to pauper a little softer. Because, no matter which girl you are, it's a hard fall to take.
Before you hit the reply button, you should know that above I am only answering your questions. I am like you; fully believing that where you are is where you are, that there is always a changeable path and you are always both directing it and at some point on it. I am comfortable with the decision I made and I can only think at this moment, for the sake of the myself and the path, that that was what needed to happen. I'm taking what comes (including my own obtrusive and innate womanly reactions) in stride, and (hopefully) growing and learning, and thus affecting the path that comes.
All my best,
Mona"
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