And the Dalai Lama Says

I don't claim to be an avid reader of the philosophies of the Dalai Lama. But I flipped through a book today of quips and wisdoms of the DL, and basically, what I read told me that gathering love for *everyone* would help eliminate Anger, with a capital "A."

So. Anger. I don't have much of it. Unless, of course, absolute frustration is equal to "Anger" in the DL's view.

Quite honestly, society today frustrates me to no end. No end! I wonder, sometimes, if the DL lived in San Francisco, if his philosophies would hold true.

Take, for example, the selfish culture of today. Many a time I will be walking down the street only to be sidled to the gutter, or end up "shouldering" a person (er, definitely NOT DL style) because soemone felt they owned the sidewalk. Or, on a different level, there have been many times where I have held a door open or moved out of the way on the sidewalk, only to have my intentions of generous compliance completely unnoticed. Unnoticed!

That is when the gravy hits the dirt for me. Time and time again in San Francisco, generosity or pleasantry goes completely unnoticed. How, may I ask, does the DL fill these circumstances with love? Oh, how I wouldn't give anything to see him try to keep up his philosophical dream while trying to park his VW near his pied-a-terre here in SF. Quite frankly, I think he'd issue a whole other ballgame.

I try hard to just appreciate the plain fact that I did something good and generous, on the occasion that I let a hotsy-totsy Marina Girl move me out of the way on Chestnut Street, or when I open a door for someone more frail than myself. But honestly, when these acts of graciousness go completely unnoticed it is difficult to continue on the so-called path of purity and goodness. The path gets rocky and clouded and obscure. It gets hard to define. So much so, that you are left with only one question, and that is: "is what I am doing making an actual difference?" And out here, in la-la land, it is hard to render an answer. Because a few times out of 100, it is clear that someone notices and is thankful of your human kindness, appreciative at the very least. But the other 97 times it takes to get there is a tough pill to swallow, and sometimes I wonder if this is the lesson that the DL meant to have us all tackle. That is, "If you are pleasant and obliging and giving love to humankind 100% of the time, is it okay that they only reciprocate it 2% of the time?"

What Up

hmm

here's the thing. I think about him everyday still, but I don't pine for him. I just wonder. Just wonder what he is doing and what he is up to. Is that Dark? Is it Dark if I stalk a little teeny tiny bit to see what emails are coming in? I don't think so. Especially not when several of those emails are coming from Playboy. OK. Glad my e-mails aren't competing with that anymore. I'd just like this to be over.

Watching Telefutura isn't any help. It just improves my Spanish. Which I don't really want to do. I guess I'm watching because there is nothing else on?

Speaking of Spanish, that damned Spanish guitar instructor, whom I met at my friend's bday, keeps calling and emailing and calling, and I don't know what to do other than ignore? Any help out there? I certainly do NOT want to take him up on his offer to play songs to me in the park... ugh.

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• idunno